Highlights
- Separation anxiety disorder can affect adults, even if they never experienced symptoms as children.
- Adult separation anxiety causes intense distress when apart from a partner, child, pet, or home.
- Separation anxiety can successfully be treated with therapy, medication, or a combination of both.
Separation anxiety is often thought of as something that only affects children, but adults can live with separation anxiety disorder as well. According to some studies,
Adult separation anxiety can affect every area of your life, including romantic relationships, parenting, work, school, and your overall mental health. It can also be misunderstood because many people don’t realize that separation anxiety disorder can be diagnosed in adulthood.
In this article, we’ll explain what separation anxiety looks like in adults, what can cause it, and how it can be treated.
What Is Adult Separation Anxiety?
Separation anxiety is a formally recognized mental health condition. It’s listed in the Diagnostic Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) as an anxiety disorder.
Just like children with separation anxiety become very fearful when apart from their caregivers, adults with separation anxiety are also excessively worried when separating from loved ones.
You can experience separation anxiety in any relationship, including with your partner, your children, or even a pet. Some people experience separation anxiety about being away from their home in general (not a specific person).
Previously, separation anxiety disorder was categorized as a childhood disorder, meaning that only people under the age of 18 were able to be diagnosed with it. That changed in the most recent edition of the DSM, which removed that restriction and allowed adults to be diagnosed.
The majority of adults with separation anxiety disorder
Symptoms of Separation Anxiety in Adults
The symptoms of separation anxiety aren’t listed differently in children vs. adults.
- Recurrent and excessive emotional distress (worry, panic, anxiety, fear, etc.) when separated from a loved one or your home
- Persistent fear that something bad will happen to your loved one or that you will lose them
- Fear that something bad will happen that will cause the separation to be permanent
- Being reluctant to leave your home because you want to avoid separation
- Refusing to be alone
- Recurrent nightmares about separation
- Physical symptoms when you’re separated or about to be separated, like stomachaches
In children, separation anxiety usually looks like crying, throwing tantrums, or refusing to go to school. It doesn’t necessarily look like this for adults.
In adults, separation can look like:
- Calling or texting your partner repeatedly when they’re away from you
- Feeling unable to relax until your loved one comes home
- Avoiding social plans or errands because you don’t want to be apart
- Feeling panicked when your child is at school or away from home
- Needing constant reassurance that your loved one is safe
- Having trouble sleeping when your partner or loved one isn’t nearby
- Feeling physically sick when you know a separation is coming up
What Causes Separation Anxiety in Adults?
Like other mental health conditions, separation anxiety is usually caused by
Some of these risk factors include:
- Family history of anxiety disorders
- Traumatic losses or separations (like the sudden death of your partner)
- Recent significant life changes (like divorce or a move)
- Insecure attachment style
- Other mental health conditions, like obsessive-compulsive disorder
Read more: Who is at Most Risk for Developing Anxiety
Impacts on Functioning and Mental Health
When it’s left untreated, separation anxiety can have significant negative effects on your life and well-being. The impacts go far past simply feeling anxious when you’re apart from your loved ones.
Effects on Relationships
Some of the biggest impacts of adult separation anxiety are on relationships. Your loved ones may have a hard time understanding why you become so distressed when you’re alone. They may feel pressured to change their plans or provide constant reassurance, even when they care deeply about you.
Over time, this can create tension in the relationship. Your loved one may start to feel responsible for your anxiety, while you may feel rejected or abandoned when they need space. This can create a cycle where both people feel misunderstood.
Effects on Work and School
Separation anxiety can cause you to not only become distressed when you’re away from certain people, but also when you’re away from home. This can understandably have a negative impact on your success in school or at work.
You may avoid job opportunities, miss class, decline work travel, or have trouble concentrating when you’re away from the person or place that makes you feel safe. Even when you’re physically present, separation anxiety can make it hard to focus because so much of your attention is on seeking reassurance or worrying that something bad may happen.
Effects on Mental Health
Separation anxiety can co-occur with other mental health conditions, including other anxiety disorders, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and depression. You may think the solution is simply to avoid separation, but this only makes anxiety worse.
Avoidance can give you short-term relief, which makes it feel like it’s working. But the next time you need to separate, the anxiety often comes back stronger because your brain never gets the chance to learn that separation can be safe. This can keep you stuck in a never-ending loop of fear and avoidance.
How Parental Separation Anxiety Affects Children
We often talk about children who have separation anxiety when apart from their parents. But it can also happen the other way around. When parents have separation anxiety, it can negatively impact their children (including reinforcing separation anxiety in the children as well).
You might unintentionally model the idea that separation is dangerous or scary. If your child sees that you become extremely distressed when they leave, they may start to feel anxious about separating, too. This doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong on purpose. But it does mean that you need treatment to help both you and your child feel more secure.
How Is Adult Separation Anxiety Disorder Diagnosed?
Separation anxiety can only be diagnosed by a licensed healthcare provider. It’s best to get an evaluation by a mental health professional with specific expertise, especially because separation anxiety is still misunderstood as a condition that only affects children.
Typically, separation anxiety is diagnosed through a clinical interview. This means that a mental health provider will talk to you and ask you about your symptoms. They might ask you questions like:
- What happens emotionally when you’re away from your loved one or home?
- Do you avoid certain situations because they require separation?
- Do you worry that something bad will happen to your loved one when you’re apart?
- How often do you call or text to check in when you’re separated?
- How long have these symptoms been happening?
- How are these symptoms affecting your relationships, work, or daily life and functioning?
Your provider will also be observing your symptoms and behaviors. They may look for physical signs of anxiety (like shallow breathing or trembling), or a frightened tone of voice. They may also collect information about your medical and family history. This can help them rule out other causes of your symptoms.
Your provider will compare their observations with the symptoms laid out in the DSM to determine if you meet the criteria for a diagnosis of separation anxiety disorder. Adults must have had symptoms for at least 6 months to be diagnosed.
Alternative Diagnoses
Since separation anxiety is a condition that mostly affects children, adults who live with it are sometimes misdiagnosed.
Some other conditions that can look like separation anxiety disorder include:
- Generalized anxiety disorder
- Dependent personality disorder
- Postpartum anxiety
- Obsessive-compulsive disorder
- Agoraphobia
- Panic disorder
- Post-traumatic stress disorder
These conditions can also appear together with separation anxiety. It’s not necessarily either/or. This makes it even more important to get the right diagnosis.
How to Cope With Adult Separation Anxiety
Separation anxiety doesn’t tend to go away on its own. But alongside professional treatment, there are things you can do to prevent it from becoming worse.
One of the most important things is to stay away from avoidance behaviors. Separation anxiety will make you want to stay home or avoid separating from your loved one. Even if your loved one is understanding, simply avoiding separation won’t make the anxiety go away. And in many cases, it can make it worse.
Instead, try:
- Practicing short separations instead of avoiding them completely
- Making a realistic check-in plan with your loved one
- Using grounding or relaxation techniques when you start to feel anxious
- Notice reassurance-seeking behaviors, like repeated calling or texting
- Be aware of your triggers and learn more about separation anxiety
How to Treat Separation Anxiety in Adults
Separation anxiety, whether it’s in children or adults, can be treated. But it’s important to work with a licensed provider who knows how to specifically deal with separation anxiety in adults.
Separation anxiety disorder is typically treated with psychotherapy, medication, or a combination of both.
Some therapy methods that can be effective for adult separation anxiety include:
- Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT): CBT can help you identify the thoughts and behaviors that keep separation anxiety going. You’ll learn how to challenge fear-based thoughts and practice new responses when anxiety comes up.
- Gradual Exposure: Gradual exposure helps you practice separation in small, manageable steps. Over time, this can help your brain learn that being apart from your loved one or home doesn’t automatically mean something bad will happen.
- Panic-Focused Psychodynamic Psychotherapy-eXtended Range: This therapy approach can help you understand separation anxiety through the lens of attachment. It may be especially helpful if your symptoms are connected to past losses or attachment wounds.
Especially if your symptoms are severe, medication can also help. Anti-anxiety medications like beta blockers and benzodiazepines can help you manage the physical symptoms of separation anxiety. These are prescription medications and should only be used short-term because they come with the risk of addiction and other side effects.
Antidepressants, like selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs), can also help you manage ongoing anxiety symptoms. SSRIs are often used for anxiety disorders because they can reduce the intensity of fear and worry over time. They don’t work immediately, but they may help make therapy and gradual exposure feel more manageable.
Conclusion
Adult separation anxiety is a real mental health condition, and it can affect your relationships and daily life in ways that may feel hard to explain to other people. But it’s nothing to be embarrassed about, and it can be treated. With the right diagnosis and treatment, you can learn to tolerate separation without feeling controlled by fear.
If you think you may have adult separation anxiety, you can connect with a licensed healthcare provider for an evaluation at MEDvidi. Schedule an appointment today to talk about your symptoms and learn what treatment options for anxiety may be right for you.
