Highlights
- A distorted self-image means how you see yourself doesn’t match how others actually see you.
- Common signs of distorted self-image include harsh self-talk, shame, and avoidance behaviors.
- It can affect how you think, feel, and behave, and is often tied to depression, anxiety, or trauma. Social media can often make distorted self-image worse.
- CBT techniques and behavioral changes can help you rebuild a more accurate and compassionate self-view.
Self-image — or how you perceive yourself and how you believe others view you — is an important part of self-esteem and mental health. But especially with the unrealistic standards and social comparisons that run rampant on social media, it’s easy to start having a distorted self-image. This means that the view that you have of yourself (and that you think others have of you) doesn’t match up with how they actually see you.
A distorted self-image affects how you think, feel, and act — but it can change with support.
Get a comprehensive mental health assessment and personalized help online.
What Is a Distorted Self-Image?
Body dysmorphia (or body dysmorphic disorder) is one example of how your self-image can be distorted. If you have a distorted self-perception, you might see something totally different when you look in the mirror than what others see. For example, you might see yourself as heavier, less muscular, or more feminine. This type of distorted outer perception can lead to long-term body image issues — this is also a risk factor for eating disorders.
But having a negative self-perception goes beyond distorted body image. For example, you might have a distorted image of:
- Your accomplishments and abilities: Everyone congratulates you on graduating from school, but you feel like it’s “no big deal.”
- Your likability and importance to your loved ones: You feel that you aren’t as important to your friends as they are to you. You may even worry that they “hate you.”
- Your worth as a partner: You believe you’re “lucky” anyone wants to date you and fear they’ll eventually realize you’re not good enough.
- Your intelligence: You think you’re “dumb,” even though you have a track record of success or people often ask for your input.
- Your future prospects: You assume you’ll fail before you even try because “things never work out for me.”
Many of us can experience a distorted self-image from time to time, especially if there’s a trigger. For example, you might make a mistake at work and start to discount all of your past accomplishments. But if you live with a persistently distorted self-image, this can accompany or worsen mental health conditions such as depression or anxiety.
How It Shows Up: Signs & Symptoms of Distorted Self-Image
A distorted self-image can show up in many ways. Keep an eye out for these cognitive, emotional, and behavioral signs.
Cognitive
Some of the cognitive (thought-related) signs of a distorted sense of self include:
- Having untrue or unhelpful thoughts about yourself, like “I’m no good.”
- Assuming that you know what others are thinking about you.
- Only paying attention to the negative things instead of all of your strengths.
- Engage in harsh self-talk, like telling yourself you’ll “never be enough” or that you “always mess things up.”
- Believing your worth depends entirely on external validation, like praise or approval.
Emotional
If you have a distorted view of self, emotionally or psychologically, you might:
- Experience a chronic sense of shame.
- Live with a chronically low mood or even face symptoms of depression.
- Feel anxious or tense in social situations because you assume others are judging you.
- Experience guilt when receiving compliments or recognition.
- Feel emotionally numb or disconnected from positive feedback
Behavioral
Because of self-image issues, you might also notice that your behaviors change. For example, you might:
- Constantly ask your friends for reassurance.
- Avoid looking in the mirror — or conversely, check your reflection in the mirror compulsively.
- Exercise or diet excessively, or even start to develop symptoms of an eating disorder.
- Downplay achievements when others praise you.
- Withdraw from relationships because you assume others don’t like you.
Why It Happens: Major Causes & Maintaining Factors
There’s no clear answer about why, exactly, some people experience distorted or negative self-perception. But research has found that there are some risk factors that make some people more vulnerable.
Individual Factors
Some individual or developmental factors (things that are unique to you) that can put you at higher risk of developing a distorted self-image include:
- Experiencing symptoms of a mental health condition like depression, social anxiety, or an eating disorder.
- Growing up in a household where you were constantly criticized or undermined.
- Being the victim of bullying and experiencing emotional distress.
- Being treated differently or judged because of a visible or perceived physical, neurological, or mental health condition.
- Experiencing trauma during early childhood, especially abuse or neglect.
Social & Cultural Factors
Society and culture also play a significant role in fueling an unstable self-image. The media is filled with messaging about unrealistic beauty standards; it is like a minefield of social comparisons. It’s so easy to start judging yourself against filtered, curated images of other people and forget that what you’re seeing isn’t reality.
Cognitive Distortions
A distorted self-image is also highly linked with cognitive distortions. These are “thinking traps” that cause us to have untrue thoughts that make us feel worse than we already do.
Here are examples of some cognitive distortions in distorted self-image:
- Mind-reading: “My friends don’t love me as much as I love them. I’m not as lovable.”
- All-or-nothing thinking: “If I make one mistake at work, I’m a total failure.”
- Catastrophization: “If I gain a few pounds, everyone will think I’ve let myself go.”
- Overgeneralization: “Nobody ever likes me — it always ends the same way.”
- Discounting the positive: “They’re just being nice; they don’t actually mean it.”
Biological/Genetic Factors
Lastly, it’s possible that a distorted self-image is at least partly biological or genetic.
Real-World Examples
To illustrate, here are some examples of how a distorted self-image can look in real life.
- You avoid taking photos because you’re sure you “look awful,” even though your friends compliment you all the time.
Try this reframe: My friends see beauty that I don’t — maybe their view is more accurate than mine. - You get a promotion at work, but feel like you “fooled” everyone, and it’s only a matter of time before they realize you’re not qualified.
Try this reframe: My accomplishments didn’t happen by accident — I earned this. - You text a friend and they don’t respond right away, and you immediately think you’ve done something wrong.
Try this reframe: People have their own lives — one delayed text doesn’t define my worth.
Effects & Consequences: Short- vs Long-Term
Living with poor self-image can come with a wide range of both immediate and long-term consequences. Most of the research has been conducted around the impacts of low self-esteem. Self-esteem isn’t exactly the same thing as self-image, but they’re closely related.
|
Short-term |
Long-term |
|
Increased emotional reactivity |
Ongoing emotional instability |
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Difficulty accepting compliments |
Reduced self-acceptance |
|
Heightened anxiety or self-consciousness |
Chronic low self-esteem |
|
Strained communication in relationships |
Relationship difficulties |
|
Using unhealthy coping behaviors like overworking or avoidance |
Associated with increased vulnerability to depression, anxiety, or suicidal thoughts |
If you’re experiencing suicidal or self-harming thoughts and require immediate assistance, contact a crisis hotline, such as 911, 988 suicide & crisis lifeline (toll-free), or Samaritans (116-123 or via chat).
How to Reframe & Strengthen Your Self-Image
Fortunately, a distorted perception of yourself doesn’t need to affect your self-esteem forever. There are ways to face this head-on and find healthy ways to see yourself the way the world sees you.
Thought Work (CBT Basics)
Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) is an evidence-based technique that can help reduce negative self-talk and develop a healthy self-image. The basic principle behind CBT is that your thoughts affect your feelings. If you can learn to reframe your thoughts, you may find that you feel better about yourself.
When you catch yourself having a negative self-thought, pause and challenge it. Ask yourself: “Is there evidence for this?” and “What would I say to a friend who thought this way?” For example, say you have the thought: “I’m such a failure for forgetting that meeting.” You can reframe it as: “I made a mistake, but everyone forgets things sometimes — it doesn’t define me.”
Behavioral Strategies
You can also try changing your behaviors to strengthen your self-image. Try to avoid compulsive behaviors, like checking the mirror or asking your friends for reassurance. When you get the urge to do these things, practice small exposures — for example, resist asking for reassurance once and see what happens. Over time, these small changes can help retrain your brain to tolerate uncertainty and rely less on external validation.
Media Hygiene & Comparison Limits
Because of the role that social media plays in self-image, it can be helpful to learn media literacy and set some limits. Curate your feed so that you follow accounts that make you feel empowered, not inadequate. Set time limits for scrolling or take social media breaks when you notice yourself comparing. Remember that what you see online is a highlight reel — not real life.
Self-Compassion & Acceptance
Self-compassion is linked to better emotional regulation and mental health. Practice talking to yourself with the same kindness you’d offer a friend. This might feel awkward at first, but over time, intentionally acknowledging your imperfections without judgment can help you build a more realistic and forgiving self-image.
When to Seek Professional Help
Having a distorted self-image isn’t necessarily a sign that you live with a mental health condition. But it can be, and it can also become a risk factor for developing one in the future. You don’t need to wait for a mental health crisis to get support.
If a negative self-image is causing you to feel bad about yourself, then reach out to a healthcare provider. They can help you identify the thoughts and behaviors that are keeping your self-image shifting or distorted and teach you strategies to build a more balanced perspective.
In Conclusion
If your self-image has started to affect your confidence, career, or relationships, professional support can help you rebuild a more balanced view of yourself. A therapist can help you to challenge negative thinking and strengthen your sense of self.
If you think your negative perception of yourself is accompanied by the symptoms of depression or anxiety, see a healthcare provider at MEDvidi for personalized treatment: book an appointment today.
Frequently Asked Questions
What does a distorted sense of self feel like?
How do you treat a distorted self-image?
What does it mean to have a warped sense of reality?
What is skewed self-perception?
Skewed self-perception is another term for distorted self-image. It means your self-view is inaccurate, either overly negative or unrealistically positive.
